Discouragement. What an awfully discouraging word that is. And yet, I find myself more and more discouraged by the things in my life that I cannot seem to gain immediate satisfaction from. For instance, I get discouraged VERY easily when in the car driving behind slow drivers. And they may not even be driving slow; most likely they are abiding within the parameters of the "suggested" speed found on those annoying white signs you see along the roadways. There is just something about not being in front that annoys the hell out of me. One would think that I get frustrated because I have to know where I'm going at all times. However, this is not the case. I absolutely love spontaneity - the pure thrill of not knowing where life will lead you, or if I will run into someone who will take my breath away. Now, before you misunderstand that last statement, I merely mean that, by meeting new people, you have the amazing opportunity to become part of their life story. I can become incredibly entranced by the way someone weaves a story, a situation, a circumstance - to hear about their successes, their motivational moments, their ups and downs - well, I guess it encourages me to look within and appreciate all the beauty of life and what it has to offer. I digress...back to the dreaded topic of discouragement.

I am a relatively happy person. I'm incredibly quick-witted, hilarious even. I am confident enough in that aspect have had plenty of folks tell me that to be able to put it in writing. I love to make people laugh, to put their minds at ease, to make them feel comfortable in their own skin - I'm very good at disarming them. Some of the fiercest and angriest people have left my presence in fits of laughter and hysteria and I think to myself - I did a good thing. But, even happy people get down. I get discouraged that I can't seem to make myself laugh like I can others. My main discouragement at this moment in time is my weight. Don't get me wrong - I am by no means obese. However, I'm just pudgy enough to not find myself as attractive as I once was and I truly can't stand looking in the mirror. It takes a toll, ya know, on one's self-esteem. So, rather than just continuously complain about it, I decided to do something. I've been working out heavily at the gym in an effort to reach my ideal goal of 120 pounds. Did you know that at 120 pounds, you can look good in ANYTHING?? Seriously. So, I have several pounds to go. In my twenties, if I decided to work out, the weight would just come right off. So, screw me because now that I'm in my thirties, the weight doesn't want to budge. Hence, discouragement. If u haven't noticed yet, I'm an immediate satisfaction kind of gal. All this hard work, sweat, sore muscles, hunger pains and NO immediate results?? Are you kidding me?!?! Ugh. And let's not forget the very supportive boyfriend. "don't forget to go to the gym, babe." "are you going to the gym today, babe?" "I thought you said you were going to the gym today, babe?" he means well but good grief. Sometimes enough is enough!! I NEED to WANT to go and I hate the guilt that is associated with when he opens his mouth and says the dreaded "w" word - "workout." ugh. He means well, I know. Is he fit, you ask? He has amazing calves. The boy can run. But, honestly, we both have a bit to lose. He does it his way and I will do it mine. I just wake up in the morning and think, "am I hot today? Let's go see what the scale says..." ridiculous. So, when the scale tells me exactly what I DON'T want to hear, hence, discouragement. Ugh. It's a no-win situation here. Plus, my BIGGEST pet peeve, why do thy call it 24 Hour Fitness if they don't open until 10:00 am on a Sunday?! What the heck am I supposed to do??? Fold laundry, that's what. Or else I get the old sigh and smirk from him when he walks by the dirt clothes.

Today will be a good day, I've decided. I will love until my heart bursts, I won't worry about this stupid diet but I will make sure to have at least an hour and a half of heart-pumping physical activity - preferably where no one can see me jiggle. ;)