Yesterday. Yesterday was challenging for me, yet highly enjoyable. Please allow me to preface today's blog with a rich bit of history to help you better understand where I'm coming from.

For the last two years I have worked with a world leader in the world of staffing. It was a sudden and direct change from my former life as a paralegal, yet, something drew me to it. It was extremely hard at first, let me tell ya. But, once I got the hang of it, I realized I was not only good, I was ridiculously awesome at it. It was almost like a recipe that I finally got right: mix 1/2 cup of listening with 1/4 cup articulation, add some drive and motivation until you have a rich and creamy blend of dynamic personality. Top it of with a bit of sales and be sure to indulge in a large scooping of humor and individuality and you're all set. Put in the oven for a good 9 months and you will have a perfectly seasoned staffing manager ready to be successful. oh, and don't forget to sprinkle some good word tracks on top for the extra flavor. Ho hummm. For all intents and purposes, I should have continued to excel and continue to be the top performer that I was. Well, life has a funny way of communicating to you. It seemed that the very reasons I was brought on board(my outgoing personality, aggressive nature, excellent communication skills, etc.) were the very reasons I have been discriminated for over these last several months. I found myself slipping deeper and deeper into an abyss of anger and discontent as a direct result of the never-ending squabbling that took place at work. I feel like a it of a failure because I allowed one person in particular to get under my skin so much that I literally would get physically ill just thinking about having to go in to work. I found myself taking this frustration and stress home and it quickly started spiraling out of control. Yes, the money was good, however, my personal sanity and the love of my child and boyfriend mean more to me than anything. Had I continued that same path, I would have lost a part of me as well as the life we have worked so hats to build together. Okay, whew...now that you have the history, here is why yesterday was challenging:

I woke in the morning, made some coffee and proceeded to get my daughter up out of bed to get ready for school. I took her to school and then headed straight for the gym. After I got done with my workout, I went home to shower and change, went BACK to my daughter's school to pick her up to take her to the doctor for a sports physical. Then, we went to lunch and I dropped her back off at school, went home and checked my email. I received confirmation of an interview with a highly-renowned financial staffing firm for 2:30. It was already 1:30. I had to hurry and get ready and, if you read my previous blog, you will remember I'm struggling a bit with the pudge monster so of course, NOTHING FIT OR LOOKED DECENT TO ME. I finally settled on a suit and realized it was 2:15 and my appointment was twenty minutes away. I made like a bread truck and hauled my buns there as fast as I could. Of course, six minutes late, and the only available parking was three floors down in a garage attached to the building via skybridge. Well, here in Dallas it's 106 degrees daily and by the time I made it up to the skybridge, I saw my reflection in the window and I looked like the victim of a dead-on water balloon toss. It was awful. I tended to my hair as best I could in the elevator up to the 14th floor, only to find myself arguing with the receptionist on the twelfth floor that I knew where I was and she clearly must be new if she didn't know who the owner of the company was. when she informed me I was on the wrong floor, I sheepishly turned around, muttered a quiet apology and had to stand in front of the elevator in full view of whT appeared to be a board meeting full of suits looking through the glass at this crazy sweaty woman in a great suit waiting for the elevator. Mortifying. I finally made it to the interview and it went seemingly well. After about an hour and a half, I was told that it would be a three-part interview and that I would need to come back and meet the rest of the team, probably next week. I'm pretty sure they found some makeup smudges on the floor after I left because my chin hit it so hard. I was crestfallen. I've never not gotten a job with one interview!! Once I reached the inside of the closed elevator I immediately began stripping down. I would have taken my heels off if I didn't already know that my feet would be burnt to a crisp that even KFC would love the recipe for. So, the whole drive back home was a non-stop game of ping pong, going over everything that was discussed and what I could have done better. I need a job. You may think it was downright stupid of me to quit a job without having one to go to but, I technically did/do. My dear friend works at another staffing firm, much smaller than the one I had been at and the promise of teamwork and camaraderie (which I desperately crave) is there. So, do I wait to hear from the other place or take the one I knew was already there?! Funds are getting tighter, that's for sure.

Well, time to wake up sleeping beauty and get her day started, all the while wondering what the universe has in store for me today.

Discouragement. What an awfully discouraging word that is. And yet, I find myself more and more discouraged by the things in my life that I cannot seem to gain immediate satisfaction from. For instance, I get discouraged VERY easily when in the car driving behind slow drivers. And they may not even be driving slow; most likely they are abiding within the parameters of the "suggested" speed found on those annoying white signs you see along the roadways. There is just something about not being in front that annoys the hell out of me. One would think that I get frustrated because I have to know where I'm going at all times. However, this is not the case. I absolutely love spontaneity - the pure thrill of not knowing where life will lead you, or if I will run into someone who will take my breath away. Now, before you misunderstand that last statement, I merely mean that, by meeting new people, you have the amazing opportunity to become part of their life story. I can become incredibly entranced by the way someone weaves a story, a situation, a circumstance - to hear about their successes, their motivational moments, their ups and downs - well, I guess it encourages me to look within and appreciate all the beauty of life and what it has to offer. I digress...back to the dreaded topic of discouragement.

I am a relatively happy person. I'm incredibly quick-witted, hilarious even. I am confident enough in that aspect have had plenty of folks tell me that to be able to put it in writing. I love to make people laugh, to put their minds at ease, to make them feel comfortable in their own skin - I'm very good at disarming them. Some of the fiercest and angriest people have left my presence in fits of laughter and hysteria and I think to myself - I did a good thing. But, even happy people get down. I get discouraged that I can't seem to make myself laugh like I can others. My main discouragement at this moment in time is my weight. Don't get me wrong - I am by no means obese. However, I'm just pudgy enough to not find myself as attractive as I once was and I truly can't stand looking in the mirror. It takes a toll, ya know, on one's self-esteem. So, rather than just continuously complain about it, I decided to do something. I've been working out heavily at the gym in an effort to reach my ideal goal of 120 pounds. Did you know that at 120 pounds, you can look good in ANYTHING?? Seriously. So, I have several pounds to go. In my twenties, if I decided to work out, the weight would just come right off. So, screw me because now that I'm in my thirties, the weight doesn't want to budge. Hence, discouragement. If u haven't noticed yet, I'm an immediate satisfaction kind of gal. All this hard work, sweat, sore muscles, hunger pains and NO immediate results?? Are you kidding me?!?! Ugh. And let's not forget the very supportive boyfriend. "don't forget to go to the gym, babe." "are you going to the gym today, babe?" "I thought you said you were going to the gym today, babe?" he means well but good grief. Sometimes enough is enough!! I NEED to WANT to go and I hate the guilt that is associated with when he opens his mouth and says the dreaded "w" word - "workout." ugh. He means well, I know. Is he fit, you ask? He has amazing calves. The boy can run. But, honestly, we both have a bit to lose. He does it his way and I will do it mine. I just wake up in the morning and think, "am I hot today? Let's go see what the scale says..." ridiculous. So, when the scale tells me exactly what I DON'T want to hear, hence, discouragement. Ugh. It's a no-win situation here. Plus, my BIGGEST pet peeve, why do thy call it 24 Hour Fitness if they don't open until 10:00 am on a Sunday?! What the heck am I supposed to do??? Fold laundry, that's what. Or else I get the old sigh and smirk from him when he walks by the dirt clothes.

Today will be a good day, I've decided. I will love until my heart bursts, I won't worry about this stupid diet but I will make sure to have at least an hour and a half of heart-pumping physical activity - preferably where no one can see me jiggle. ;)

To New Beginnings

Do you ever feel like you just need or want something in your life but just can't put your finger on what that something is? Well, believe me, I do. This 2011 year has been nothing short of hectic, chaotic, frenetic, and some may say crazy, and there are times when I feel like there is just no way I will be able to handle it all. If you out there in this vast black hole known as the "world wide web" know what I'm talking about, then maybe this blog is more for you than it is for me. My boyfriend's mother inspired me to create a space of my own where I can be free to state what's on my mind without fear of prejudice or judgment. So, this morning before 5:00am, I opted to crawl out of bed and enjoy the quiet of the house and, with the loyal companionship of my Pebbles (black and tan chihuahua) curled up next to me on the couch, here I sit, embarking upon my first depiction of events that constitute why Every Day Is Different. Let me begin...

When I was younger than my 33 years, way younger, I used to believe that not only was 33 considered old, but that, as a 33 year-old, one's life would need to be in the proper setting so as to be accepted by society. In that, one would need to have gone to an accredited college and would have obtained some sort of degree, would have a steady job and more than likely, have 1.5 children with a gorgeous husband living in a home that could be found on the front cover of American Homestead. As the years passed by, quite rapidly I might add, it seemed as though each one of those "must haves" slowly disappeared on my priority list, much to the dismay of my parents, I'm sure.

My life is extremely fulfilling at times, and others, not quite so much. I am blessed with not only having possibly the most talented, gorgeous, witty, smart, charismatic thirteen year-old daughter, but also having the (i almost said unconditional love of a man, but sometimes I wonder) devotion of a man who is seemingly willing to do whatever it takes to keep us together as a family. If it weren't for his belief that two people can remain together forever, I don't think we would be together. I will get into that later on. What I mean to say is that I have lost sight of myself and who I am and who I want to be, not need to be and, today marks the commencement of my journey towards seeking, finding and most importantly, holding onto the inner peace and fulfillment with an iron-clad grasp. More later as I'm off to the gym to sweat like crazy so that I can resume fitting into my wardrobe comfortably instead of opting for the oh so cliche baggy boyfriend's t-shirt. Until then, find something to smile about and write it down. When u do, that's when it becomes real and you regain the power of the world instead of letting it run you over like a bulldozer.